The Fire Of Anger Consumes Us, But It Also Burns Others

We have all been through situations that have pissed us off so much that we have felt the anger rise beyond our power. Who has not noticed how a simple spark lit a fire that spread throughout our being? The worst has been that this uncontrollable rage has led us to say and do things that we have deeply regretted afterwards.

The fact is that we not only feel bad for ourselves, but also for those around us. It turns out that we often hurt our loved ones. This happens even when they are not related to the cause of our anger. In fact, they often get our anger for trying to calm him down.

What is anger and what implications does it have for those who feel it?

Let’s start at the beginning, what is anger? Anger is an emotion that produces unpleasant feelings for those who suffer it. It makes the body go from a state of calm to one of great activation, to respond through defense or attack.

We usually feel it especially in interpersonal situations, that is, when we are interacting with others. If in one of these situations we value that it is being blocked in an unjustified and intentional way from achieving a worthy goal, anger arises.

At that time  we feel that our interests are being threatened and that we must act to defend them. The point is, anger generally begins with relatively low levels of discomfort. But if we don’t manage that initial irritation effectively, it can escalate until it explodes explosively.

It has been shown that having a high tendency to respond with anger to different conditions has a significant influence on health. In the first place, it generates a set of unpleasant sensations for those who feel it. But not only that, but it is also an indicator of the presence of affective disorders, such as depression.

In addition, it is a variable that must be taken into account in the treatment and rehabilitation of different neuropsychological problems, such as those associated with traumatic brain damage or alcoholism, as shown by a study by the Camilo José Cela University. On the other hand, it influences different physical problems. Carciovascular disorders, cancer, ulcers, smoking, etc., are examples of this.

When I act invaded by anger, how does my environment perceive it?

Anger not only influences our own health, both physical and mental. It also has consequences in our social environment. Let’s put ourselves in the other point of view, how have we felt when someone has become angry and has projected their anger towards us?

The answer may vary depending on a number of circumstances. If we really are the justified “guilty” of his anger or if not; the strategies the other person used to let us know; if he has acted in a moderately calm way or if, on the contrary, he has developed highly aggressive behaviors towards us. These, among other factors, will influence the interpretations we make of the situation and, consequently, the emotions that appear.

Based on this, it must be taken into account that the more uncontrolled the anger and the more aggressive behaviors it provokes, the more attacked the other is going to feel. This is going to make you angry as well and also have a hard time controlling it. We can all imagine the result of this situation, right? Who has not had an argument for a reason that both you and the other would consider foolish and ended up in a battle with serious injuries?

This type of situation can generate a considerable number of negative emotions in the other. Starting with sadness, it can go to anger itself, misunderstanding or helplessness. It can also generate feelings of rejection towards the person who has reacted this way with us. In fact, if we act in an angry way with others on a regular basis we can cause them to move further and further away and we find ourselves more and more alone.

Is there a relationship between my way of being and the anger I feel?

Anger, in addition to an emotion, can be seen as a stable tendency to react angrily to different situations. I was able to be part of our way of being. This means that there are people whose way of being is more angry than that of other people. These individuals respond with higher levels of anger to a greater number of conditions and with greater activation of the body.

There are similarities with people with a low predisposition to irritability in relation to the type of situation that generates anger. However, the differences are that they react with greater intensity and more often with anger in their daily life to annoying conditions.

Certain personality characteristics have been found to influence the anger development process :

• Hostile people present negative attitudes towards and towards others, having a greater tendency to experience anger and respond with aggressive behaviors, in order to cause harm to others.
• Introverts report that they feel more anger than extroverts.
• Neuroticism This concept refers to the emotional instability that people can present. These people with greater neuroticism experience feelings of anger more frequently. They also have a greater tendency to respond aggressively.

• . Individuals who have higher self-esteem, combined with a narcissistic personality, are more likely to respond in an irascible way. In addition, they have less control when expressing said emotion.

As we have seen, sustained anger has many negative implications in our life. This makes it important to control it when the first spark jumps since, once the fire has spread, it will be more difficult to put out.

On the other hand, once it has disappeared and we lower our activation level again, a whole range of negative emotions can arise. Then we realize the consequences of the behaviors that we have carried out, as well as the damage that we have been able to inflict on our loved ones. Think that if you face anger when it is small, if you do not let it mix with ego or pride, then you will not have to heal big and deep wounds.