The Curious Emotional Life Between A Man And A Woman

The emotional life between a man and a woman is a curious exchange strongly influenced by the emotional and cognitive needs and customs of each one, which will depend on educational and biological preferences that occur within the human being’s own emotional variability.

The most common complaint of men towards women is that they are too emotional. Meanwhile, women usually accuse them of not being enough. With these reproaches we want “the other to change and adjust to our needs” , because we think they could do it if they really wanted to.

However, we must know that what happens is that We will develop this question below:

Two emotional systems

Daniela is going through a time of very strong work stress. When he gets home he just needs Jorge to listen to him and hug him. However, as soon as Daniela comments on her problems, Jorge puts what she calls “robot mode” and begins to tell Daniela what she can do.

This unnerves Daniela because she thinks that Jorge does not understand and does not give importance to what is happening to him. For his part, Jorge suffers a real torture when he sees Daniela so badly, but he cannot find a way to help her since no matter how many solutions he offers, he cannot get Daniela to listen to him and try to put them into practice.

Until not long ago it was believed that the differences in the way of feeling and expressing emotions in men were due exclusively to the type of education they had received. However, as we have discussed today, we know that the emotional processing of the male brain is different from that of the female brain.

This difference is based on the use of two differentiated brain systems that function simultaneously (the mirror neuronal system and the temporal-spatial junction). Let’s see what they are by following our example.

When women cry they can cause real brain pain in men

If we could scan Jorge’s brain while Daniela complains about her problems and starts crying, the two emotional reading systems would be activated in her brain.

However, the Specular Neural System (SNE) would do it first, which would allow him to feel for an instant the emotional pain that Daniela’s face reflects. In other words, at this point Jorge would emotionally empathize with his partner.

Immediately after this brain activation, we would witness how Jorge’s brain would start the Temporo-parietal Union (UPT), which would make him analyze the situation and look for solutions. This is what is called cognitive empathy.

Although the male brain is capable of using UPT from late childhood, male hormones can eventually establish a preference over the UPT analysis system  (although this can vary greatly from man to man).

The UPT will be in charge of manufacturing a clear border between one’s own emotions and those of others, which prevents mental processes from sometimes being infected by the emotions of others. This strengthens the ability to search cognitively and analytically for a solution, which is very practical and adaptive in the world we live in.

So if we were to observe Jorge’s brain while he tells Daniela the solutions that his brain has come up with in order to alleviate his pain, we would see how his cortex is activated while he asks his partner things like “How many people do you need? to get the job done “.

This, as most readers will understand, will irritate Daniela. Then the woman will respond “What difference does that make? I have to do it with the equipment I have, ”while he fixes a resentful look at Jorge.

However, Jorge’s brain will ignore the emotional tone of Daniela’s last comment, as the male brain will have the emotional empathy zone deactivated while trying to find a solution and cognitively empathize with his love.

Following this line, Jorge will offer you the wonderful solution that his brain has declared: “Hire temporary employees.” Automatically the brain areas of well-being light up in Jorge’s brain at his brilliant idea.

But the pleasure lasts exactly as long as it takes for Daniela’s expression to change, which can only cry and lament when she feels that her partner does not understand her state of mind and that she is not giving her the importance she really has.

Two different brain realities

Jorge tries by all means to help Daniela in a practical way, because his emotional logic tells him that this is the best he can do. But Daniela is at another point and as a woman seeks emotional empathy rather than cognitive. You do not care so much about solutions as you feel ” emotionally in tune “ with your partner in the face of their discomfort.

In this sense, we have to conclude that the emotional background of a man is not less rich and less valid than that of a woman, but that a large part of us function differently at the cerebral level.

This can be constituted as a problem of understanding or as a way to complement each other perfectly. So now that we have this information, perhaps it is time to take it into account and make the emotional life between a man and a woman much more enriching …

Sources consulted:

Carlson, N. (2014). Physiology of behavior.  Editorial Pearson.

Brizendine, L. (2010). The male brain.  RBA Disclosure.

Images by Claudia Tremblay, Puung and unknown authors.