Revenge, Is It Served Cold?
“Revenge is a dish that is served cold,” the popular saying goes, but is it really good for us to take revenge on someone? When something bad happens to us (or to a loved one), we may think that the only way to close the matter is to restore the damage done through revenge. And it is not exactly like that.
The thirst for revenge
We have all experienced, at least once in our lives, that “thirst for revenge” that appears when we are hurt, when an injustice is committed or when we are victims of humiliation. It seems that it is easier to accumulate hatred and want revenge than to learn to forgive.
Another popular saying that has to do with revenge is: “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” We could also speak of one who says “an eye for an eye, the world will go blind.” And the latter is totally true. If we feel entitled to fight back in the face of harm, we will never feel better. Because that action does not fix things, but makes them worse.
For hundreds of years revenge has been spoken of as something unconscious and negative at the same time. Of course, because experiencing that desire to hit, to answer, to retaliate or “make pay” to the one who did something goes beyond justice, at least a justice that someone impartial imparts. , although that is far from the truth.
We do not realize the repercussions of revenge because it is a deep and visceral instinct . It has been shown that something instinctive does not always lead to success, because it does not allow us to think clearly.
Revenge has a protective function
Sociologists, who analyze people’s behaviors throughout history, say that revenge has a protective function within a community. In other words, it could be one of the many defense mechanisms that we have “in our catalog” so as not to face what really happens or to avoid confrontations where we can end up more hurt.
With few exceptions, revenge does not bring us benefits, but serves to cause pain to others and to ourselves. And it is good to know that “revenge” is not a synonym for “justice”, because the first hides negative feelings (such as hatred or resentment) and the second has to do with paying the blame, having a sentence according to the fact committed, etc.
If you have experienced revenge, you will surely be able to affirm that at the end of the counterattack you have not felt happy, perhaps a little relieved at that moment, but not at all satisfied. Why? Because revenge does not make us go back to the past and the wound that they have caused us is only healed by letting it go, forgiving and looking forward.
After certain studies, psychologists from Harvard and Virginia Universities became convinced that those who want or seek revenge focus on negative feelings, such as hatred and anger. Once they have taken revenge, this feeling does not diminish, but increases, becoming a “vicious cycle”, a never ending story.
In conclusion then, we must know that revenge not only hurts the one who hurt us, but also ourselves. If we feed the thirst for revenge we will be accumulating negative feelings that can cause us much more pain. Therefore, betting on revenge is always losing. It does not matter if the dish is served hot or cold, it will end up weighing us down.
Revenge does not heal; forgive yeah
Revenge does not heal the damage done. As already discussed, it only increases anger levels, even after consuming our “debt.” They have hurt us and we have hurt. The fruit of causing harm will never be well-being, but rather open up the emotional wound that we already had.
Forgiveness, learning to forgive does heal. He heals us and heals us. Many people interpret forgiveness as “pulling down your pants” or letting go of a humiliation. “He has hurt me and to do nothing would be to let him win and get away with it,” we hear too often.
Learning to forgive means understanding that others can act wrong. They can make mistakes and hurt us. Forgiveness also means not making more firewood from the fallen tree. But it also means considering and acting accordingly. What does this mean? Prevent us, but not avenge us. If someone hurts us, we will be more attentive to future attacks, but we will not retaliate.
And above all, to forgive is to be in harmony with oneself. As Echeburúa (2013), Professor of Psychology at the University of the Basque Country, points out: “Forgiveness can have positive psychological effects for the victim: not living in torment, shaking off the yoke of the past, improving health, reconciling with oneself and recovering inner peace “ .
