Resilient Families: When Strong Ties Allow Us To Grow

Resilient families are characterized by having faced more than one difficulty. In that process, they have strengthened their alliances, they have learned resources and accumulated reserves to face life not only with greater integrity, but also with more love, humility and hope. It is not always easy to stay united in the face of certain challenges of destiny, but there are those who achieve it together with their own in an effective way.

The term ‘resilient families’ may catch our eye; however, we are not looking at a new concept or an innovative approach to resilience. Now we know that the development of this competence is given in many cases by our family environment. That primary stage in which we grow up is often key to building the roots of resilience.

On the other hand, there is a relevant aspect pointed out by experts in this field such as Doctors Roland Atkinson, Allan Martin and CR. Rankin, (2009). It would be very beneficial to train families in the components that make up this dimension. Resilience must be sown on sunny days in order for it to grow enough to help us on stormy days. Therefore, we do not have to wait for adversity to cultivate this tool so necessary for our psychological well-being.

Resilient families, what are they like?

Salvador Minuchin, psychiatrist, pediatrician and recognized expert in family therapy, conceived the family from a systemic perspective, where all its members relate and influence each other in a decisive way. In this way, the ability to face such concrete realities, such as economic or health problems, will depend a lot on the personality and resources of its members and the way they interact with each other.

There are families, for example, unable to give effective support to their own. They are those social microcosms where there are no synergies or harmonies, where there is no firm family unit and alliances fail when things go wrong. This type of reality may sound familiar to all of us and we undoubtedly know the consequences.

Thus, experts on the subject such as Dr. Fiona Walsh, from Boston University, explains in a study that one of the keys to guaranteeing the psychological well-being of the human being would undoubtedly be to be able to teach and facilitate parents and mothers, those pillars that build resilient families. Let’s get to know those components below.

Attachment and support

Any satisfactory bond requires feeling the imprint of affection, security, healthy love that respects without harassment, that supports without conditions or blackmail. In this way, the first pillar of resilient families is undoubtedly that of attachment and support, where all members give each other that warm but strong bond that will not allow anyone to fall. No matter what happens, that family nucleus will always remain united, supporting and nurturing emotionally.

Family values

‘In this family we believe in love and respect. We do not tolerate lies, we do not accept words that hurt and behaviors that they despise. In this home we defend hugs and beautiful words. We respect opinions, even if they do not coincide with ours. We also value spending time together, speaking honestly, asking for help when requested and always supporting and in any circumstance … ‘. These ideas are simple examples of those values ​​that should form the basis of every resilient family.

Cohesion and flexibility

An essential premise of resilient families is that the t odo is greater than the sum of its parts. What does this mean? Basically that in the family unit it is not only that father or mother who holds all the power and authority that stands out. A family is an alliance based on interdependence, respect and unity, where everyone is equally valuable.

At the same time, and not least, we have the principle of flexibility. In happy families there are no rigid patterns, there are no molds that everyone must enter into to satisfy that ideal of the father or those wishes of the mother. Each member has the right to grow, to choose, to build himself. Because flexibility is synonymous with respect and freedom.

Communication in resilient families

Communication is that indispensable tool that pumps every link, that makes any alliance possible and the overcoming of every problem. A family that facilitates spaces for communication, empathetic listening, assertiveness and understanding, can face together almost any circumstance. Few dimensions are so basic in our social fabric that knowing how to communicate and allow others to communicate with openness and appreciation.

Timeshare and family rituals

Another essential nutrient in resilient families is spending time together. It is true that it is not always possible to do it as much as we would like, but it is essential that each moment shared is of quality; hence the importance of rituals. With this last term we refer to those moments that we repeat every day and with which we feed our alliances and affections.

Thus, and as an example, sharing with the children those times by their bed where they read a book or simply talk to ask them about their day, is a ritual that strengthens the relationship, that improves trust and those bonds that always last.

To conclude, resilience in the family is shaped by those dimensions where love, respect and commitment to promote and guarantee the care of all members flow. Remember, the whole is always greater than the sum of the parts and this should always define every family unit. Let’s keep it in mind.