Parental Burnout: Fatigue Associated With Childcare

Lack of sleep, tiredness, changes in appetite, lower work productivity, mood swings, irritability at the demands of our children, feeling that every day we are a worse father or a worse mother … Parental burnout exists, it is real and affects many highly exhausted people who experience alterations in their physical and psychological health.

It is true that anyone who has one or more children knows that parenting and education are not simple tasks. Fatigue is that faithful companion in life that one ends up getting used to. However, there are several types of burnouts. The most dangerous is the one that occurs with a type of depression capable of affecting health and also with the relationship we establish with the little ones.

Breeding is wearisome, but doing it in a general context of crisis raises the challenges and demands that need to be addressed even more. Teleworking, for example, is already an added stress factor that we have not yet learned to handle. Anxiety, overwhelm, frustration … Fatigue associated with caring for children is a complex reality that undoubtedly deserves more attention. Let’s dive into it.

What is parental burnout?

Today’s times are far from what, for example, our parents lived when they raised us. Now, there is higher pressure to educate children. It is necessary (they tell us) that they be more intelligent, versatile, secure and successful. The world out there is increasingly complex and they must be prepared for the future that awaits them.

Mothers have conquered spaces in the public sphere and no longer dedicate 24 hours a day to the exclusive care of their children. But even so, the demand to be a perfect mother and an ideal father continues to appear. To all these dynamics already known, but not digested , new variables are now added: a pandemic and an emerging crisis. 

Teleworking, confinements, housework, homework … While it is true that the b urnout  syndrome or burnout was associated with the workplace, the emergence of the term burnout parental linked to depletion in breeding, meets an obvious need.

It was a team of researchers from the Research Institute in Psychological Sciences of the University of Leuven (Belgium) who made clear the high incidence of this fact in a study. Exhausted parents who feel overwhelmed by the demands of their children are increasingly abundant. Let’s understand this reality.

The characteristics of parental burnout

Parental exhaustion or burnout is a three-dimensional syndrome that is defined by the following characteristics:

Physical and emotional exhaustion

Fathers and mothers spend a good part of the day caring for their children. This requires not only time, will, patience and hours of sleep. Also physical effort, a lot of energy, attention, knowing how to handle emotional resources, solving problems and unforeseen needs, etc.

To this are added work problems, lack of rest, the impossibility of having time for oneself … It is common for forces to fail little by little, as well as spirits.

Feeling of incompetence

The burnout parental makes it appear, in many cases, the feeling that we are failing them, that we do not reach all the needs of our children. Feeling guilty for not spending more time with them, for not giving them more things, more attention, for not being more skillful or patient is a common feeling.

Emotional distancing from the child

When mothers or fathers lack the resources to handle the day-to-day challenges of parenting and education, stress and anxiety appear. This feeling of fatigue can deteriorate the relationship with the child to the point of experiencing some emotional detachment due to excessive overload.

Parenting fatigue may be more of a problem than burnout worker syndrome

We all know what occupational burnout or burned-out worker syndrome consists of. Now, Dr. Isabelle Roskam, author of the aforementioned work from the University of Leuven, points out something important to us.  The burnout that fathers and mothers experience can have more shocking consequences than job fatigue.

In upbringing and education there is no escape or rest. In general, when we experience stress, harassment or anxiety at work, coming home is a relief and a refuge where we can find peace. However, the father or mother who teleworks does not have moments to rest or spaces in which to find calm. The mental overload that arises is very intense.

In the most serious cases, negligent behavior can even occur with the children or even lead to the constant ideation of escape, in wanting to abandon everything (Mikolajczak, Gross, & Roskam, 2019). All this gradually forms the prison of an anxiety disorder or depression.

What can we do to reduce the impact of burnout on parenting?

The wear, the feeling of being burned and having reached the limit in terms of breeding has several origins. This type of burnout responds to factors such as the following:

• Single parenting.
• Economic and labor problems.
• Relationship problems

• Possible chronic illnesses or disabilities of the child.
• Little behavior problems.
• Low emotional abilities.
• High perfectionism of the parents.

Something that is frequently appreciated is the figure of parents who have sacrificed their careers, their hobbies and friends for the idea of ​​being the best parents in the world. And this, in the long run, generates high frustration and even suffering for not feeling fulfilled. Everything can end up producing a certain detachment towards the child himself.

The burnout parent has nothing to do with love or the relationship of parents with their children. Burnout is linked to work to take care of them, educate them, take them to school, supervise their studies, take care of their diet, promote their learning … All this is relevant, it is true, but the most necessary thing is to learn to simplify and prioritize. Also know that the most decisive thing is the emotional well-being of children and adults.

Encouraging and promoting quality family time without technology around, finding spaces in the day to day to enjoy with them, but also ourselves alone will revert to the psychological balance and well-being of each member of the family.