How Can We Improve Our Way Of Giving Constructive Criticism?
In our day to day we coexist and interact with other people . From this daily interaction, behaviors arise that we observe in others and that we would like to modify. The fact is that we do not know how to explain this fact to him and, on numerous occasions, we end up making criticisms that, due to the way we do them, fail to fulfill the objective of helping someone.
Many times we do not share our thoughts because we are not “critical”, until the glass overflows, and then we have no choice but to let them all come out at once and with the energy of a hurricane. This means that we do not choose the best ways or the best time.
Now, once we are clear that we can improve our way of criticizing, how can we do it? Read on and find out how!
Criticisms and why they are necessary
Criticisms are the expression of actions, behaviors or work done by another person that we do not like. Now … what purpose do they have? This will make a criticism constructive or destructive. If we do it in order to improve, what type do you think we are talking about?
Indeed, in this case we would be dealing with constructive criticism. We can also call them “suggestions for improvement” and thus we remove the negative connotations that the word “critical” has. Thus, these kinds of suggestions are necessary in our life and our relationships. With them, for example, we can improve social support.
Why? Because they help the quality of our interactions increase. If we do not explain to another person that there is something that makes us upset, how will they know? No one is a fortune teller! Many frictions and discussions come because we expect the other person to realize what we want and what we don’t, when it is easier to tell them directly.
But of course, is there anything we can do so that the other person does not feel bad about this? Obviously, we cannot get into his head and control that he takes it well, but we can express it appropriately. In this way, we will have more paperwork to avoid a conflict and that the other person understands our point of view.
What must be taken into account when making a constructive criticism?
When we are going to make a suggestion for improvement or a constructive criticism, it is good that we consider different factors. The first task is to find the most suitable moment. Obviously, if the other person is angry or nervous, they may not feel good about what we say, even though we are being very careful.
In addition, there is no overwhelming. That is, it is very important to make a review each time. For a second let’s get on the other side; when someone tells you something they don’t like about you… Is it easier to modify it if it tells us only one specific thing or if it tells you many more general things?
Exactly! We all have things to improve, but we can work on it if they tell us little by little rather than all at once. On the other hand, it is appropriate to prepare alternatives to the object of criticism, as well as to say something positive about the moment or the relationship that binds us to the other person.
What techniques can we use to make a constructive criticism?
Taking into account what we have already talked about, we can implement two strategies to make suggestions for improvement in an appropriate way. The first would be the sandwich reinforcement technique. Imagine just that: a sandwich. But … how can this have to do with constructive criticism?
Very easy! The slices of bread in our sandwich are going to be two positive aspects of the relationship we have with the person to whom we are going to criticize. And the food that goes in between would be the criticism. In this way, we will say a good thing, the suggestion for improvement and we will end with another positive factor.
For example: “Pedro, I love the good coexistence we have, but I think you could wash the pan when you finish cooking so that everything is clean, because that way we can enjoy after time together, that I have a great time with you.” Doesn’t that sound better? Perhaps at first it seems like a somewhat artificial and forced formula, but with practice you will end up using it naturally.
Are there more ways to give constructive criticism?
In addition to this very simple technique there is another called “ABC”. The first thing to do is describe what you dislike without judging the other person. Then we will explain how it affects us without blaming you. In addition, we will put ourselves in their shoes, explaining that we understand their motivations. But not only that, we must also take responsibility for our possible part of the blame. This is when we ask for the change.
If the other person gives us solutions, we have to thank them and comment that things will be better that way. But there are times when it doesn’t tell us anything. Then we have to offer ourselves the alternatives, remembering that the consequences are positive for both of us if it goes well. It must also be explained that if there is no change, the situation can get worse. This should not be done as a threat, but rather as a description of what is going to happen. For instance:
“When you get upset because I don’t answer the whatsapps at the moment, I get a little overwhelmed. I understand that you want me to answer you as soon as possible or that you think that if I do not do it it is because I ignore you, but it is not the case. Maybe I’m very busy and it takes a long time to answer you, I know, how do you think we can solve it? What do you think if we call each other if it is something important and we leave the WhatsApp for other things? So neither you will be angry nor will I be overwhelmed. If I do not believe that we are going to end up burning ourselves with this situation ”.
Do you see the difference between saying this and “look, I’m sick of you blaming me for not answering you on whatsapps”? This is a bit longer and more complicated, but it is worth starting and practicing it, as it will foster empathy between the two parties. In other words, with this way of communicating suggestions for improvement, we express how we feel so that the other person understands us. Interesting, right? Well … Let’s put it into practice!
