Educating Well, A Task As Beautiful As It Is Difficult

Educating well is a task as difficult as it is beautiful. What we do with our children will directly determine how their future will be shaped as well as the essential socio-emotional skills, which are linked to the rational ones.

In this sense, the first thing we have to be clear about is that it is impossible to separate reason and emotion or, as we usually say, mind and heart. This dichotomy does not obey our reality, since we are a whole and as such we cement our growth and our life.

This applies both to the children and young people we want to educate and to ourselves as educators (fathers, mothers, professions, therapists, uncles, educators, grandparents, etc.). So

To understand this we must emphasize that we educate from our emotions. So if we are not well, we will not educate in the correct way. For instance,

10 basic principles to educate well

For all that has been said above, we start from the premise that education is based mainly on our example. Let’s say that without clay there is no brick and that without cement there is no construction. In this sense, education is a teamwork of the environment that surrounds our children.

Based on the principles proposed by Laurence Steinberg, today we bring you a selection of Let’s take a closer look at this:

1.What we do DOES NOT MATTER

We have to think before we act ; However, we will agree that we cannot always look for the best time to do it and not act in quiet moments when emotional imbalance does not reign. However, that does not exempt us from wanting to do our best. Likewise, we must bear in mind that:

• Genes are not everything, we have in education and the environment a fundamental tool for development.
• Children learn by observing. We have already said, we must take care of the models.
• We must deal with influences outside the family early and positively.
• Learning from mistakes is essential to ensure a good education.

2. Love is never excessive

If a 5-month-old baby cries he may be hungry or he may want to be his reference figure. Not measuring affection is essential to transmit love to our children; excess affection does not allow them, giving it after negative episodes of bad behavior does.

However, it is good to reflect on this question. It is not appropriate to reinforce demotivation in the face of school tasks, but it is appropriate not to support the child when he understands the teaching of the error of not doing homework or not studying. It is also important that we highlight that:

• It is appropriate to give physical affection; that is, hugs, kisses, caresses, looks …
• We must praise children’s achievements correctly. We can read more about this here.
• We must be willing to see and respond to the emotional needs of children.
• We must provide a safe haven where the child feels our support.

3. We must get involved in the lives of children

It is key that we take an interest in their motivations, interests and preferences. It is also important that we get involved in school and avoid intruding on children’s lives in critical and challenging ways.

4. We must adapt to the child the way we educate him

Each child has its own rhythm, so it is of the utmost importance that we respect it. Many times we strive to adapt the temperament of our children to our way of educating them and we lose sight of the only truth that should govern the process: EACH CHILD IS UNIQUE. We must be patient and respect the transition periods.

5. The importance of setting standards and setting limits

No, everything is not valid. Children need rules and limits to help guide them and know what limitations are there and what are forbidden aspects. We have to be firm and act fairly, always being balanced and consistent.

6. It is key to promote their independence

Addressing the child’s urge to argue in a positive way is very important. We cannot control every last detail of the child’s life, because we must let him choose and learn that he has options to be autonomous. The motto is: let’s protect when we must but also allow when we can.

7. Let’s be consistent

Being consistent, maintaining certain routines, making a common front, not being inflexible and helping them identify those rules that are not negotiable helps us balance the scale and favor reasoning and the assumption of the rules by children.

8. Severe punishments are best avoided

It is physical punishment is counterproductive and harmful. It implies treating the child badly and without respect, which does not facilitate the balance of all of the above. There is a question that usually opens the minds of adults: how are we going to teach our children to drive not to hit if we hit them when they do something wrong? Not even a slap is positive.

Excessive scolding is not effective either. If the child does something else, we can send him to his room, instigate him to repair the damage caused, limit or restrict his privileges (toys, outings, television, etc).

9. Explain the rules and the decisions we make

Another fundamental aspect is to explain to children the rules and the decisions we make and to do so are always clear. We must ensure that they are comprehensive and complete, which will help us to ensure that the child has understood and can apply them.

The well-known “because I said so” does not help children to reason or us to admit our mistakes and listen to the children’s point of view. Thus, explaining, reasoning and feeling will help to validate their opinions and feelings, which makes us lay the foundations of their autonomy and emotional independence.

10. Treat our children with respect

We must treat them with respect so that they are able to broadcast it. Have two-way conversations, listen to them and give them the option to show what they feel and think, let them act and do what they can according to their age, etc. Children treat how we treat them and it will be our teachings that perpetuate.