Do You Know The Guilt That Asks To Enter The Soul Of People Who Leave Relationships?

Dealing with the guilt that appears when leaving a relationship is for many a logical consequence of having taken the initiative, of having taken the last step that has ended up collapsing the wall. Perhaps you have experienced this situation, you have had many doubts before doing it, taking that step, but finally it has. Knowing that even you yourself were going to point out as the executioner who skewed the life of that relationship. Of so many promises, of so many dreams, of so many illusions …

Perhaps later you have felt that you were responsible for their pain, their sadness …  and even their future! And perhaps on so many occasions it is that guilt that you predict that makes you take one step to return, two to move away, three to return … Thus, in an exercise of self-destruction that is more bitter than the previous life as a couple. “He is going to have a terrible time. He’s going to suffer a lot… I was everything to him ”. “And … what if I was wrong?”

Do these phrases sound familiar to you? The truth is that the figure of the person who leaves many times is full of prejudices and a kind of “hatred” that, on so many occasions, does not respond to reality, but to the preconceived ideas that are had about this subject. All this further feeds the guilt and that muffled voice that crushes the one who has taken the step of ending the relationship.

Guilt limits us and does not allow us to move forward

“You’re going to be the bad guy or if you let him. Wait. You may just have to assume that you can’t always be happy. Stay with him because he will suffer a lot if you let him. ” This is the “run run” that comes to mind on so many occasions when one is considering leaving a relationship.

The fear that the other will suffer, the insane and unjustified guilt that we are ultimately responsible for their discomfort often lead us to extend relationships or never leave them. It leads us to remain in a state of constant “stand by” in which we do not carry out what we want to do for fear that the other will suffer. This is how time goes by, this is how life goes.

This is a fault that crosses cultures. Based on an erroneous thought for which we feel responsible for the lives of others. Of his pain and his joy. Of course, on the other side, when we are left, we often blame the suffering of the breakup on the person who has taken the step. Because it seems that is the origin of our unease. Because the person we love tells us that they no longer want to be with us.

The one who leaves can not bear the pain of the other

But it is one thing that suffering begins as a result of a breakup and quite another is that we, by breaking the relationship, are responsible for its suffering. Life is joy and it is pain, it is uncertainty and it is certainty. It is love and it is heartbreak on both sides.

We cannot allow someone to hold us responsible for their existence. If not, we will never have room for action. We will never be able to make decisions because they will always have an effect on the people around us. We would live in a kind of statism for fear that the balance would jump through the air.

If I don’t move, I prevent the other from suffering. But in return, I do not live. If I don’t move, I don’t live. If I don’t make decisions, I don’t discover my inner world or the outer world. For fear of the other’s reaction, we keep quiet about what we think and what we feel. We stop being authentic. We stop pursuing our goals. We put life aside, may the brave live it!

Living has consequences

Indeed, as a consequence of that guilt that crushes us and limits us, many times we go back. We tried to remake that broken relationship just to avoid it, without any faith that it could prosper. We put life aside, to be lived by those who do have enough courage and mental strength to act and to bear the consequences of what they decide.

We cannot allow others to burden us with their lives; neither can we do it voluntarily. It is a sacrifice of sterile fruits that only prolongs the desert and feeds mirages.

It prevents experiences …  experiences necessary to grow, to learn, to be adults, to be mentally richer. All our experiences give quality to our growth. Suffering is part of life, and no one can take away something that is part of it, just because of a castrating guilt that has its origin in a totally wrong thinking.

So, let it not be guilt that forces you to stay, if it is not what you want. The other person also deserves you to be authentic and honest with them.