Fear Of Being Alone

The fear of being alone, of not having contact with others, is inherent in the human being. As social beings, we need to be around other people in order to feel fulfilled and to successfully develop many of our abilities. The bonds with others nourish us, enrich us and are somehow necessary to achieve well-being.

Now, this behavior becomes a problem when it appears the impossibility of carrying out a normal life without company. Whether due to the absence of a partner or living in another country, loneliness, although common, can grow worryingly until we drown. Let’s go deeper. 

What is the fear of being alone?

The fear of being left alone is based on the belief of feeling incapable of carrying out any activity that implies loneliness. You can even reach limits where you cannot even take care of yourself or are desperately looking for a company. This circumstance is also called autophobia or ‘fear of oneself’.

Normally, the fear of loneliness is associated with external agents. In children, it could be associated with the fear of separation, when they are not able to understand that their caregivers are not going to leave, but that they are going to be separated for a short period of time.

In adults, the fear of loneliness usually comes from the hand of the loss of a loved one, from a sentimental separation. .. which lead to the appearance of this type of fear due to a deep feeling of abandonment and low self-esteem.

How to overcome the fear of being alone

1. Understand your fear

The first step in overcoming the fear of being left alone is introspection. It is a fundamental requirement to understand the process we are going through in order to act on it. This is often the most important step, as we have a multitude of defense methods, including denial.

Denial can be helpful in overcoming our fears in times of great stress, but in the long run we can’t shut that part of ourselves away. Therefore, understanding what happens to us is the eating of this process of overcoming.

2. Accept it, give value to fear

To be able to work on fear, it is not only necessary to recognize it, but also to accept that it is part of us. This somewhat more complex process is accompanied by forgiveness.

We cannot allow guilt to invade us, when fear, among other things, makes us grow. If we can find that value in fear, we will be making great progress in the process of overcoming. As the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung said, “What you deny submits you, what you accept transforms you.”

3. Analyze the causes

All fear has an origin, a cause. It is important to discover what is the source of our emotion, to weigh the possible solutions and above all what it wants to tell us. The fear of loneliness is usually due, as we have already seen, to separation, distance, loss. In fact, it is usually connected with other emotions and appearance such as the following:

• The fear of abandonment.
• The fear of failure or the excess of perfectionism and responsibility.
• The fear of what others will say or think.

On the other hand, identifying the cause may seem like a straightforward process; However, pain often distorts our reality and makes the process of overcoming more complicated. Therefore, it is important that we take it into account so as not to ignore how we feel and work on those emotions.

4. Associate loneliness with positive aspects

Overcoming our fear of loneliness does not imply abandoning it. We have to understand that loneliness is necessary and positive for our life. If we look at it from the right perspective, it can become a refuge to connect with ourselves.

To achieve this objective we can turn to the association. Therefore, if we associate it with positive elements and meanings, our fear will gradually disappear. In addition, loneliness can be the beginning of a stage of rebuilding ourselves, the one in which we decide to prioritize ourselves to take care of ourselves.

5. Loneliness is essential

As we have already seen, loneliness is good for our emotional health. What’s more, we can consider it important to stay in that state. This means that it is pertinent to seek solitude, even on a daily basis, to recover the energies that we lose during the day.

A lonely walk, see a movie that we like, go out to dinner on our own … Anything goes to get that moment of solitude that we need so much

6. Professional help

Sometimes the fear of loneliness can become a serious problem that leads to depression, anxiety and even emotional dependence. Hence, it is important that we consult with a specialist.

Remember: you are your best company. Without you, you would not be who you are. It may seem obvious, but we often forget that we are our best confidant and that only we can understand each other perfectly. The only essential person in your life is you.