When Momentum Takes Over

There are times when momentum dominates us. The impulse is born from that irrational and primitive part that we all as human beings have. We could make a simile with a beast that, although we educate, in certain situations it will tend to act in a manner consistent with its nature, regardless of whether or not this action benefits its interests. In this way, impulses test our self-control.

The dominant impulses are at the base of a multitude of psychological problems. We can name addictions or dependencies as a reference, but we also find uncontrolled impulses in disorders such as bulimia or borderline disorder.

It can manifest as an emotional tension that is difficult to appease, finally making us succumb to their requests, doing what we don’t want, and experiencing a very reinforcing stress relief. But we know that this relief is fleeting, that it evaporates quickly and leads us, almost inevitably, to another feeling much deeper and more hopeless: guilt and regret.

After a while, this discouraging guilt can be forgotten, our shadows threaten to take control again and we repeat  the impulsive pattern that momentarily gratifies us and that plunges us again into regret and the ” I am not capable, I am I can’t “. We therefore enter a powerful loop that can end up hijacking a good part of our biography.

Where are the impulses born?

We cannot know for sure what the exact origin of the impulses is, but we can investigate each person, check what their life history has been like and give probability values ​​to some hypotheses.

And not only have we inherited it, we can also learn it by imitation. If we saw that in our home problems were taken with impatience and impulsiveness, we will have learned to solve adversities following this pattern. The good news is that we can carry out learning that modifies what we previously assimilated.

Also studies tell us about the lack of serotonin in the brain, responsible for the increased susceptibility to be impulsive. It is for this reason that SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) have been seen to be effective in these disorders.

But in this sense, it must be borne in mind that medication is limited. At first, it can help you to inhibit yourself, but its action will not teach you functional alternative behaviors, you will develop tolerance and certain side effects will be generated.

It seems that certain emotional voids in childhood could be, to some extent, responsible for our overcompensating in our adult lives with certain impulses. When the past lives of people with pathological impulses are traced, certain deficiencies in availability, affect or emotional regulation are observed. These “gaps” seek to be filled with immediate and intense satisfaction.

How can you manage the momentum that dominates us?

Learning to manage the impulse that dominates us is not an easy task. As we have said, sometimes the impulse behaves like a beast and we already know that taming a beast is not a trivial matter. It requires patience, will, but above all conscious practice.

Even with everything, having total control of our impulses is not realistic, so the most convenient thing is to reward yourself for the small achievements that we accomplish.

Time to think

The first step in getting rid of the impulse is to leave the situation that has precipitated it. When we leave the situation, even for 10 or 15 minutes, we are restricting the freedom of the impulse, we put a brake on it.

The impulses last a very short time, even if they are very intense. This is an advantage that we have to take advantage of. The more time we buy him without carrying out the impulsive act, the greater the probability that we will solve the situation correctly.

Label the impulse

You have to give him the name he has: “this is just another of my impulses, I don’t have to do what he wants.” The key is to dissociate your impulse from yourself, so that you see it as an enemy who wants to annoy you, not as something that has to do with you.

Focus the five senses on another matter

While the emotional tension is decreasing in intensity, it is advisable to do some other activity that entertains us and keeps our minds occupied. You can go buy something unimportant, for example.

This will make you think about what you are going to buy, talk to the clerk, take out the wallet, count the money … banal actions that make us concentrate and save time. It is not advisable to change the impulse for another: to get out of the conflictive situation and go to drink or smoke is to change one impulse for another and is not healthy.

Think about your goals and the consequences

If I carry out the impulse, what will happen? Will I feel better? How long will the relief last? Do I want to be that person who is unable to control himself? Does this attitude match my values? If you are clear about your goal in life and what your values ​​are and you see yourself doing something that you know is not convenient for you, you will create a cognitive dissonance in your mind.

This dissonance is an uncomfortable state of mind, a wish – but I must not and it is best to prevent it from happening. Make sure that everything you do has coherence in your life and is in line with the goals that you have set for yourself as a person. 

Fix the problem (if there is one)

If the problem has a solution, it would not be bad to explore the alternatives that you can implement to solve it. For this you can start the troubleshooting technique. If the problem is the product of your imagination and has no solution, it is better to label it as such and try to ignore it.

Tolerate discomfort

Holding back the urge inevitably goes hand in hand with enduring a certain tension that is not exactly pleasant. It is because of this same discomfort, that in the end the impulse dominates us.

The key is to master it, even if it hurts, even if it causes anxiety. Anxiety or emotional discomfort are nothing more than emotions product of chemical reactions in the brain, but they do not kill or cause catastrophes. When you learn to tolerate them, you will find that they are short-lived and decrease in intensity.

When momentum takes over, it’s easy to fall into its trap. But becoming aware of how it works is the great step towards controlling our own emotions. Once we know what is happening to us, where it comes from and how we can control it, the difficult part is staying in control. With patience and large doses of acceptance of discomfort, the impulse will be able to position ourselves above the impulse.