Optimistic People Also Need To Cry

Even the most optimistic, energetic, and sunny people know what it’s like to go through a depression. Also who enlightens others with their smiles, frankness and joys needs to vent, cry and rebuild wounds, loose parts and inner depths. Only in this way will he continue to maintain his resilience, his rational, objective and strong optimism to face any difficulty.

If we say at this very moment that the vision we have in general of optimistic people is somewhat skewed, we would not fall into any error. We all know that someone who has the strange ability to make difficult things easy, they are profiles that bring encouragement, hope and closeness, friends or family always have a “yes” for us and for whom adversity or the complexity of life seems no exist.

We think of them that they were born with a “star” and that all these wonderful skills come from the factory. However, the reality is quite different, as well as interesting. There are two types of optimism. The first Martin Seligman, father of positive psychology, called “blind optimism.” It is that approach where the person thinks that whatever happens, everything will turn out well, shaping a behavior with little personal responsibility where it is enough to just trust the good work of destiny.

For its part, the opposite pole would be in “rational optimism.” That where one is aware that positivity, by itself, will not produce changes. To be optimistic is above all to have perspective, it is not to be discouraged by failure or by the thoughts of defeat that tend to emanate from it.

It is also important to know that optimism is a bias / attitude that is built. In fact, our brain has a natural tendency to direct our attention to possible external threats that could compromise our survival. Optimism, therefore, is trained and worked daily, strengthening our character, learning from setbacks and knowing how to manage our emotions in those difficult moments that sooner or later we all have to face.

How to be optimistic in difficult times

Optimistic people are not necessarily naive. It is true that many of them practice that empty positivity, in which they limit themselves to taking a deep breath and trusting, while never ceasing to be spectators of what happens to them; however, many other people translate that positivity into action. We say this because it is very common to have a wrong idea of ​​what optimism is and implies: in the second case,  we are facing a psychological dimension of such value that it deserves the efforts we dedicate to grow in it.

The “American Psychological Association” conducted a survey a few years ago to assess how the current social and economic crisis was impacting the general population. Interesting and useful data were obtained from this scale. It was discovered that the most affected group is the one made up of women. They are also the ones who experience the most psychological symptoms: stress, anxiety, headaches, fatigue, eating disorders …

The “American Psychological Association” wanted to find out second, what strategies they used those women who had managed to cope with a complex time, to position gradually in a position of importance or power.

Resilient optimism

When these women explained all those everyday coping mechanisms they used, the psychologists labeled that set of dynamics under the term “resilient optimism.” It would no longer be the rational optimism Seligman spoke of at the time. In fact, now it would be necessary to go a step further. We are at a time where it is necessary to integrate new psychological strategies with which to stay afloat in these difficult times. They would be the following:

• Remain faithful to those ideas on which we have reflected and in which we believe today.

• Accept negative emotions: listen to their message and intelligently manage the energy they endow us with.
• Understand that living is going through various experiences, many of which are not going to be positive or pleasant.
• Difficult moments should be seen as challenges from which to start, from which to learn to continue moving forward.
• Combine tenacity with resistance, motivation with practical sense, creativity with opportunity.
• Also, consider that many of us live in environments where pessimism dwells. If we really want to develop a resilient optimism, sometimes it will be necessary to change the scene, reduce the impact these people have on us or even more, even move away …

Optimistic people, courageous people

After analyzing all these data, we therefore come to more than one conclusion. The first is that all those friends or family that we consider optimistic by nature, perhaps they were not always. Perhaps they learned to be and struggle every day to maintain this perspective, this vital approach that we love so much and that sometimes we take too much for granted.

On the other hand, it is necessary to assume that the most logical, resistant and rational optimism also has its moments of weakness. In fact, there are many people who have gone through a depression believing themselves too strong, thinking that optimism covered them with a layer of invulnerability, in the style of a true superhero: capable of reaching all needs and all obligations. When in fact, even the bravest has its weak point, its kryptonite.

So let’s try to have a more useful view of positivism. Let us understand that the optimist does not hold resentments or grudges, not avoiding the challenges of the present and accepting that adversity exists and that it must be faced. Optimistic people surround themselves with good friends, they know how to thank and forgive, and above all they make use of that brave and resistant attitude: a kaleidoscope that draws confidence in the future towards which they look.

Images courtesy Nadia Chersakova