I Reserve The Right To Embrace My Demons

I reserve the right to be sad, to feel bad because it is not fair or because something is not right. I reserve it because otherwise it puts pressure on me and depresses me. Those are my demons and I have to say they really aren’t that evil.

They ask me to understand them and tell me that what I feel is life and that the world is the paradise that I want to create. That is why today I hug you and listen to you, I limit myself to being me, to feeling myself in the world, to understanding that suffering is as important a part of life as well-being.

You and I have demons

Imagine that there is someone who tells you that you can be sad, that it is normal for you to be and that, in fact, you must be from time to time. Imagine that that someone is you, accepting your emotions and yelling at the whole world that you haven’t had a good day, for the simple reason that not everyone can be good.

In fact, it seems that feeling bad and believing yourself mentally healthy or suffering and living life do not make good cultural couples. In the same way, if someone thinks of saying ” I feel bad but I’m fine”, they look at them strangely and trying to discern what their peculiarity is.

An optimism that is not

We have fallen into the trap of demanding an excess of optimism from our lives. We have ignored that we should not learn the lesson without question. Now, we pay the consequences of assuming that not suffering is a rising value for the account of life and that the right thing to do is to move our millions to avoid complications and then “have life.”

My demons and yours are fighting against the barrage of positive phrases and motivational posters that force them to take shelter, hide behind a paper wall and feed on repression.

The sad and the negative need their space in our life because otherwise they will explode and drown us. It is that we no longer have the right to even frown when something bothers us, it is enough to give in to the tyranny and dictatorship of excessive optimism.

I don’t want to be forced to always be happy, because my sadness is the only one that makes me value happiness and joy and because it tells me that something is wrong and that I should worry. Because if I never felt sad, I would not know how to appreciate what it is not to be sad.

Nor do I want to be a pessimistic or melancholic person. Nor do I want you to strike me down by calling my demons depressive, because all I’m doing is living accepting that my days have many nuances, as many as my circumstances.

I choose my demons

So defending my demons gives me two alternatives: accept myself or reject myself. If I accept that they exist, they will not make me suffer trying to avoid them and frustrate me because they always find me and each time they hug me with more force, leaving me breathless. That really is bad.

That is why I prefer to continue giving way to them and inviting them to clear my mind from time to time. They are sincere when I let them in and tell me that it is worth fighting because it is worth being happy.

The motto “you have to feel good to be happy” is not my motto. I prefer to understand that sadness and joy coexist and need each other and that it is healthier “to live thinking that I will feel good even though sometimes I feel bad . ” Because depending on how I respond to what my demons make me think, it depends on whether I limit myself or open myself to the natural aspects of life.

Because in front of the supermarket of reasoning and recipes for almost everything, my demons yell at me until they make my soul ache thinking that I will never achieve fulfillment because I do not know how to live in the moment or I do not feel like smiling from the moment I get up until I I lie down.

That is only why  I reserve the right to use my sadness when I please, because my demons refuse to fall into the trap that makes them fat, because my demons love me and do not seek to hurt me, just hug me from time to time when without my resisting to remind me that I’m alive.