The Ten Commandments To Face A Couple Conflict

As much as two people love each other and maintain a relationship that we can label as harmonica, sooner or later they will have to face a couple conflict. It is inevitable and also healthy. Conflict is an opportunity for analysis and decision.

There are also those who go from contradiction to contradiction, from fight to fight, and still feel that there is enough love so that the relationship does not break. Perhaps it is simply that they still do not know how to deal with a relationship conflict and that is why they cannot solve their problems.

There are some basic guidelines that must be taken into account when dealing with a relationship conflict. They are directives that are also accompanied by common sense. However, despite seeming logical, many times we ignore these patterns, giving rise to conflicts that are not resolved or do so with an agreement that does not satisfy the parties. Let’s see what those guidelines are.

1. Calm down, then communicate and act

Anger, accompanied by impulsiveness , is one of the factors that most deteriorates any relationship. It overflows simply because we are used to it.

However, we can also get used to being silent and staying still while that wave of fury passes that brings so many negative consequences.

2. Doubt

The certainties are less than we think, therefore, doubt, understood as prudence, should dwell more places than it establishes.

Let the other person expose their reasons, their intentions and their actions. Open the mind to understand other points of view. Understanding is an investment with a very high return.

3. Explain what you feel, honestly

One of the ways to deal with a relationship conflict is to focus on what you feel, rather than what you think. Exposing your feelings with sincerity is something liberating for you and enriching for the other.

Expressions that are born from the heart promote understanding and end up making the bond between two people closer.

4. Do not yell, do not mistreat

Shouting and mistreatment fuel conflict and damage dignity; Although from the heat of the battle we can ignore it, this is a maxim that ends up reigning.

Screaming and stripping yourself of sensitivity, you authorize the other to do the same. This, in the long run, only promotes distance and resentment.

5. Assume your own responsibilities first

We tend to look for the answer to our actions in the actions of others. ” You drove me off my feet, ” we say, as if others are controlling our behavior at will.

The mature thing is always to begin any examination of the situation by determining one’s responsibility for what happened. Trying to blame the other does not solve the relationship conflict.

6. Executioner, victim

Self-victimization never helps, much less when it comes to resolving a relationship conflict. When one person puts himself in the position of victim and obviously places the other in the position of executioner, the true responsibility of both is distorted.

As a rule, one becomes infantilized while the other acquires imaginary powers. This only further confuses the situation.

7. Listen silently

In silence we can work with our internal dialogue, with those messages that we dedicate to ourselves. In addition, in a conversation it is the polite prelude to speaking turns.

Interrupting ourselves is something that generates additional tension, because it irritates and strips our desire to impose ourselves. It is a good idea to limit the time of the interventions and to respect them.

8. Focus on solutions

It is much easier to face a relationship conflict when there is a constructive attitude towards it. This is reflected in the fact of proposing a discussion with the aim of looking for solutions and solutions, instead of doing it to deepen the malaise. If the emphasis is on how to solve the problem, the solution to the conflict will be closer.

9. The past admits repairs, but no returns

If one or both members of the couple are used to opening lists of pending accounts, these accounts will hardly be able to be paid; especially, because the debt is usually tried to collect when doing so places the person who tries to collect them in a situation of power, of the other’s weakness, or as a defense, so as not to assume responsibility.

Thus, that balance so necessary to resolve the conflict is broken.

10. Threats have no corners

Threats of abandonment or of causing harm correspond to a form of psychological violence. At a certain point they can give the sensation of functioning; however, in no case will they be a solution to a conflict.

With them, one wins and the other loses, there are winners and losers, which is perhaps the worst result of any negotiation.

Nor is it good to feed grudges. In a Relationship, we all have to forgive and be forgiven at times. We all make mistakes and we deserve a chance to repair the damage, to say I’m sorry.

Finally, point out that the will, the disposition, the attitude constitute the most important ingredient for the resolution of the conflict . It is only about cultivating our emotional education to offer more intelligent responses to those problems that are never lacking and that pose challenges for two people who love them.